Thursday, May 21, 2009
Where is the love?
We all need love. Peter in Corinthians even mentioned that with love, it helps to channel faith and hope into our lives and also others' lives. Love is definitely very powerful: it can construct, as well as destruct. We all have been so exposed to dramas and movies portraying the mighty effect of love and being in love. "Oh if I could be with this so & so, I would not live a day of my life in tears or in pain". "I will die for her, i will fight for her, i will do anything for her, even if it will cost me everything in my life". But wait a minute, is a relationship really that rosy? That full of romance and ever sweet tasting?
I have seen many people around me coming together; some given the blessings from others while some had to go on even though family and friends objected to the relationships. Yes, it is not wrong for people to find a partner, get together, develop a relationship then perhaps develop even further. Love is the biggest need in our lives. It is like our oxygen. But what exactly is love? Is it merely a boy-meet-girl, then boy-go-after-girl, then boy-ask-girl-for-steady thing? Romance is merely a small portion of a greater love which encompasses so vastly and generated by so many different sources. Friendship is one type of love, so is the warmth of a family. So is God's love.
Recently, I have a friend who suffered a terrible setback from her relationship. It was a very harsh reality and a defeat hard to swallow. Who likes to be treated like a treasure during the initial courting phase, then only to be treated with little respect when things don't go well during the courtship? Met a friend for dinner also, and she is also one who was hurt from her last relationship and she mentioned that she would not want to get into another relationship again because it hurts. Somehow as you read this, you may have recounted about people whom you know who had also landed into a sorry plight because of LOVE, or perhaps you are one of them. Then as you pondered and wondered, you feel that love can't be positive because it brings many hurts and tears. You develop a wall inside your heart, telling yourself not to trust people easily anymore, especially the opposite gender. "It is to protect myself, so its better to keep a distance". That, in actual fact, is merely escapism.
Love is not complicated; it is the people who make it complicated.
How complicated can giving be? How difficult is it to make others feel treasured, wanted and happy? Sometimes we give excuses for ourselves:"I can't give love, because I am not even loved. I am empty inside and I feel so lacking". But how many ever wondered that to be able to give is actually more bliss than to be given? Over the years, Ive dedicated myself to volunteering, not because Im too free, neither was it to give myself a better image. It is a stir in my heart that tells me constantly that there are many people who don't get as much love from this world and that I can provide them with some of mine. I didn't exactly have a good and happy childhood. I struggled through my growing up years: finding my identity, my purpose, my love. Along the way, I felt so rejected, so lost and so disillusioned that I asked "why me?" upteem times. No friends were by my side to give me words of encouragement; in fact, I would be glad if none came to mock me or to dig an even deeper hole and hurl me inside.
Because of the not-so-positive growing up experiences in my family as well as in my school and social life, I unknowingly kept a distance from people in my teenage and young adult years. That was because I was afraid of rejections:"What if I give others my heart, but not get back in return? What if they treat me badly like how I was treated when I was young?" Thank God I did not turn out cold and unfriendly, because I made a choice. I may not be loved by people, but that doesn't mean I can't love others. That was the main reason I started to volunteer after NS in 2004. Initially I was doubtful of being able to take care of the elderly, the physically as well as the intellectually challenged, because I had no skills and experience. I was afraid that I might do or say words that may prick them. I fear this, fear that........ But, love dispels fears.
I am grateful that these friends whom I have been helping all these years were actually the ones who had helped me instead. They had helped me to realise that life can be very simple, non-threatening, peaceful and fulfilling. They taught me that its the heart that matters, not the physical appearance or capabilities. They helped to dispel my worries and tiredness with their greetings and smiles. A simple and innocent "hello kor kor, how are you?" is more mighty than all the stress that this fast-paced society adds on to our lives everyday. My purpose was to help them to grow, to enjoy life like how we can. In loving them, I grew more in return.
Love is unconditional. It is not about possessing someone: it is about giving our blessings if we can't be the one to provide for that person we care for. Love is about letting go: when keeping the hatred will impede you more than help you to move on. Love is wisdom: it is about knowing and choosing who to love more and who to love less. We are no saints, we can't ensure that we can treat everyone fairly, to be given an equal share of our love. It would be self deception if we tell ourselves that "I must treat everyone nicely because everyone is my friend". I used to think that way, but in life, it is not about Maths: you may not get back the same amount as you give out. Not EVERYONE can be our friends. Since that is the case, your precious love should then be respected for it should only be given to people who deserves it. When you give your love to someone, you are allowing that person to enter your life. His/her presence can make or break your life, so you ought to give your entry pass wisely and not indiscriminately.
To those who had suffered setbacks in relationships, do not give up & do not feel negative. Everyone of us is like a piece of jigsaw: not being able to bear fruits with this someone does not make you a lousy person. It merely means that your piece and the other party's piece doesn't match. Eventually one day, as we persevere and discover ourselves better, we may find that other piece of jigsaw that will eventually fit nicely with us.
Love is light.
I am Mr Law :)
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
It has been a while
It has been a few months since I last updated. People asked me why I havent, and the answer was very clear within me:"There had simply been so many events and emotions that intertwined that no words could describe the events nor the feelings". It is very true that a picture can speak a thousand words and I wish I could replace all the postings with pictures that could say it all.
God is always trying to test us, with the objective of making us strong. Sometimes He does that by placing difficult people in our lives. Now, there are 2 difficult people in mine. One is within my home, the other within my volunteer circle. The one within my home is beyond my control; whereas the other one is within my control.
There is this "volunteer" who has been harrassing and attempting to torment me this one month. He is 30 this year but guess what? His favourite line is:" I am not a man, I am a boy, hee hee hee". Do you feel like puking? Well, i did so many times. There were so many occasions during the interactions with him when I suddenly felt so grateful and proud of all the students whom I had taught before. Hendersonians; ALL of you are so much much more mature than he is. And his favourite criticism on others? "You are not fit to be a volunteer." Ya we arent fit, so you as the 30 year old BOY is fit. The phrase "pot calling the kettle black" fits him perfectly.
During this one month, he tried all ways to antogonise me, in order to get a response from me. All the messages were defamatory, full of allegations and fabrication of untruths. I knew at once that he meant to make me angry, but I chose to hold back my reaction and responded with zero replies. He was unhappy, thus the attacks intensified. he would send one sms in the morning and one in the evening. See his intention: To unsettle me before I start my day and also after I ended my day. Such malicious and unscrupulous intents he harboured and one such message from him even read:" No wonder you are looked down by your ex colleagues. Start acting like a real teacher if you really wish to contribute to society". You know what is the biggest contradiction in this message? He wasnt even a teacher so how he even know who my ex colleagues were? When he failed to incite me to reply his appraently provocative messages, he sent even more attacks.
Should I tolerate because he is a very childish person who resorts to using words to psychologically harrass someone who crossed him, or should I see that justice is done? That was the biggest dilemma I faced this one month. Definitely I am no saint. I may have taught 800 students before but I am a human afterall. Does this mean that teachers have to be holy and allow others to verbally accuse them, insult them and antagonise them without fighting back? To him, a reply is never to my advantage. If i had responded to his attacks angrily, he would accuse and judge by saying:"call yourself a teacher. You are a disgrace because you are bad tempered." If i didnt, he will say and he did :"What a coward. Call yourself a teacher." In any way, he has the upper hand should I respond because he didnt have any civic responsibility whereas I have. But what is the message that will be given to him if his actions were left unpunished?
"No one said Im wrong so I should and can continue to launch such attacks on my enemies"
As an educator myself, I want to see that justice is done on my part personally. But from another perspective, it is about passing the correct message. Not all who comes down every Saturday to spend their time with the disabled is considered a good person by default. Does that mean that because Im a teacher, someone who is supposed to be held in high esteem, has the rights to insult and humiliate my students if they had crossed me? Never in my life had I branded any of my student stupid, nor had I openly shamed them in front of the others. My conscience is very clear on this. So to be criticised by this "man" regarding my professionism and character, is indeed a very big insult which I cant possibly take it lying. If a person is just and with clear conscience, even though the other person is an enemy you envisage, would you say something like:"hope you fail your assignments and exams you coward"? It is really very disappointing that such was the product of the highly credited education system of this country. To have not produced excellent academic results is ok, as long as one strives to work hard as a person beyond studies, that person is viewed as valuable. But to behave like a scum and hooligan and go around bringing down opponents like what politicians in other countries do, is really a hopeless case.
It was rather tough on my part. While he is constantly harrassing me, I had to hold back and not react. To react, I would lose this battle. This is not a battle of pride, but a battle of making the message clear:"You dont get your ways all the time. You have the freedom to speak, but you also have the duty to be made responsible for all the words that you used. So choose your words wisely or you shall face the consequences."
To all who are reading this, do ponder on times when you got so angry with someone that you wrote your emotions on your msn nick, Facebook nick, blog or through smses. He had done it all. But what do you get in return? Loss of image? Loss of character? Loss of self and other respect? In whatever case, we ought to exercise restraint. To him, he sees that I had hurt and angered him deeply because I had not supported him but instead supported others whom he had attacked verbally first. By standing up for others, I became his new target. However, no matter what "wrong" I had committed, does it make him right by launching scathing verbal attacks on me? A very simple example to illustrate my point. Student A said words that hurt Student B, so Student B hit A. In retaliation, Student B hit A back even harder because he was hurt. Both were brought to the discipline master. Conclusion? Im sure all students who are mature enough will know the answer. Both students will get punished because two wrongs doesnt make one right.
My decision on this issue is to resolve this episode in the adult way and make him be held responsible for all the actions and words he chose without consideration. We must all grow up.
I am Mr Law :)
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Reflections by Ngiap Hui
I initially thought I had known Singapore rather well enough, especially her historical past, but realised I was rather wrong after having gone through this intensive and purposeful Heritage Trail. I did not know that the Singapore River was that long. I did not know the existence of the 6 bridges across the river and also the names they bore which some appeared so foreign to me during the trail (Read and Ord Bridge). It took our group about 5 hrs to complete our trail and surely it was one of the longest walks in my life, but quite fun and enriching given that knowledge and awareness were acquired along the journey (the time capsule and the locations of various interesting statues etc). I appreciate this arrangement for the groups to embark on this learning journey which was tailored but not imposing on the dimensions and possibilities for us to learn. Had it been a classroom-based lesson, I suppose many of us would have been bored to death or switched off before we could absorb everything.
Apart from some fun garnered from the trip, I was also inspired on the future possible History lesson I could conduct for my students. Although it won't be that easy to get them to embark on their own Heritage Trails, this idea is still a possibility requiring some arrangements though. The blogging idea is good also, given that students are given the freedom to present their findings anyway they like and could, and which is accessible to all. Surely not every knowledge could be acquired in the classroom. There are definitely some which may be learned more effectively if we were to bring them out of the 4 walls and boundary and explore the historical wealth that lays beyond.
I am Mr Law :)
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
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A New Beginning -- 1st entry in 2009
Thanx to the holidays, I returned to NIE much fresher & light-hearted. The 1st semester was like a storm, never felt 6 months past by so fast like a flash before. Yes, Im sorry that I didnt blog for about 2 months, haha, because I didnt kow what to write about, because my holidays were spent practically in fun almost everyday. Well, managed to meet up with some good friends, some ex colleagues & also some of my beloved students (how can I not miss them?). Many things happened, in fact too many things, that I cant shorten everything in just one entry, so I shall update in summary, ha.
1) Thank God & also to many of my Hendersonians who gave me support during my down time, Mr Law is very appreciative of all the support. In return, I scored 4 As & 2 Bs for my last semester, with a GPA of 4.32. Well, if this sounds foreign to you, then I shall simplify into your term. In a batch of 50 students, less than 10 students will get an A. So it meant that for 4 modules, Mr Law is top 20% at least in the whole batch, perhaps even top 10%. I am aiming to do even better thsi new semester, so hopefully u all will too.
2) Im slowly adapting to life better in NIE and making more friends every other day. Life at NIE will be getting beyond just the lecture theatres, library & canteen. Will be hitting the soccer pitch and more activities soon.
3) I hope to pay a visit to HSS again perhaps during the CNY celebration, because I miss the school so much. Hear from me again ya.
I shall update my blog more regularly yea, so do continue to get yourself posted with "I am Mr Law" Cheeroz~~~~~~~~
I am Mr Law :)
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Toughest Exam in my life
I have never experienced writing 30 pages worth of essays in a day before. Never tried answering 6 essay questions in a day before. Never written almost non-stop for a total of 5 hrs within a span of 6 hrs before. Today is truly a historic moment for me, and also for the other 7 students who like me, are taking both Geography and History as our majors. One Geography paper is challenging enough, but, the school thought we are superhuman, so they gave us a challenge to complete 2 essays, Geo & Hist on the same day. Seriously, halfway through my History paper, I was so frustrated and had wanted to give up, because I couldnt prevent from eyes from closing, and couldnt hold the pen any longer and continue writing. Is there a need for us to go through such pain? I couldnt understand why they cant separate the two papers. They were the ones who gave us the combination, yet also the ones who tried to kill us with such unfair exam schedule.
The last 3 days was totally wasted. What I had tried to memorised and the topics I prepared didnt come out as the questions. I thought that after honing the experience of settings 3 exam papers before, I would be sharp enough to spot the right exam questions. I was almost defeated totally today when I flipped over the Geo paper. I did my best well, let God do the rest bah.
Looking forward to Friday because that is the end of the exam, and also the outing with Apollo. What a 1st semester in NIE, unforgettable memories and perhaps, agony to some extent.
Back to the books, cheeroz.
I am Mr Law :)
Monday, November 17, 2008
Studying and Examinations can be really tiring
I know as a teacher, Im not supposed to think this way. Easier said than done. I wish I could be stronger, more disciplined and more focussed. But at this juncture, im just so tired from the rushed and compressed and demanding schedule in this first semester. It seemed like I had learned alot of stuff; but it also seemed like I had learned none. More is less & less is more, perhaps. There is simply too much for a person's brain and body to take and as Im blogging, Im feeling extremely exasperated, demoralised and explosive. Geography and History combined is really a killer, no matter how ingenious you are.
I don't know if it was meant to be, or a decision I should make to change the situation. Out of the 8 of us who are taking both Geography & History in the cohort of 482 students, already 4 of us are thinking of dropping one subject or switch to English. The amount of readings required is already daunting, not to mention the demand of the examination schedule. Which super student is able to do 2 exam essay papers on the same day? With one in the morning and the other 90 mins following which? I think I cant, I must admit Im a human afterall. No excuse for the plight im in now, but perhaps the coordinators can be smarter to realise that such a schedule will affect 8 students badly, jeopardardising their chances of doing well in this 1st semester.
Frankly speaking, Im not so happy with the course arrangements so far. Some lecturers who simply talk 2 themselves during lectures and tutorials and expecting us to produce work that is of the highest standard, beyond what they taught us. Or perhaps, what they failed to teach us. Im not a ultra hardworking student, but at least Im a serious learner. But even after I had tried my best given my situations, im already feeling like im failing.
I really need strength to carry on from here. Before I can become a tough man, im a dead man 1st.
I am Mr Law :)
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Light & Love
Came across this phrase of wisdom and felt its power. Though it is tough to fulfil, it is nevertheless the solution to many problems.
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can. Hate cannot dispel hate; only love can"
I dont know how to love and what to love, but hope I may love life nevertheless.
Hope you will too. Cheeroz.
I am Mr Law :)
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